Guilty

So I have this blog, right and usually when I have a thought I share it. Lately though, I have not had too much to share, but I feel like I have to write a blog. This isn't what a blog is for, to make you write something because you feel guilty. What is this world coming to?

While I am here I guess I will report something. There is a distinct smell around our coffee bar/kitchen area up at work. Someone said a drain was backed up. Apparently someone poured bleach to try and get rid of the smell; they failed. I sure hope my lunch doesn't smell like sewage and bleach, gross. Maybe I will go out for lunch.

Why didn't I . . .

The older I get the more I realize what I don't know, what I should have done, and wonder why the world sucks. How do you fix things in the past? I guess you can't. How do you let go of regrets? I wish there was a public box sort of like a confession but instead of telling things you had done, you told things you wish you would have done and let someone else take the burden. Hmm . . . I guess there is someone for that. But why am I constantly reminded of things I wished I would have done. No one purposely wants to live in the past, sometimes it just happens.

To repeat my good friend Marcos, "Whoa". I can't live like Unlce Rico. I must move on and trust that everything happens for a reason. It's weird to think that one small decision can make a huge impact on your life. (That one was for you Ros).

I can't change the past, but I can mold the future. That is what I have to do. Learn from the past to help the future.

No Man's Land

Sixth Grade
Teenager
Training bra
Driver's Permit
First Date
Bad Haircut
TWENTY-SOMETHING

What do all of these things have in common? They are all awkward instances where you or it must grow up, in, out to not be in an in between stage or No man's land (for those of you who follow tennis). Currently I fall under the twenty-something category which I want to preface goes beyond age it encompasses graduating, jobs, friends, relationships, etc. This age is filled with awkward, unstable, frustrating situations.

All I am asking for is a little stability. I don't need to know where I will be in 5 years (ok that would be great to know) but I just want something stable. What is that you ask? I don't know what kind of stability I want. Is it friendships? Luckily I was blessed with amazing friends. Is it a permanent place to live? Possibly. A dating relationship? Could be. A firm direction of where my life should go? That would be nice.

Whatever you TWENTY-SOMETHINGS need, I hope you find it.

Listening to: Girl Next Door - Saving Jane

The Real World (RW)

Quickly, I have started my internship which is in Austin, TX at the State Auditor's Office. I am definitely getting a taste of the real world. I like it so far. Austin is a cool place to stay except, the traffic is not so great but what can you do?

Unfortunately I have to work everyday, seriously, but again what can you do? I am actually looking forward to one more year of graduate school and a flexible schedule.

Well thats all for now . . .

What a difference a day, point, grade makes.

An A is an A is an A.
A B is a B is a B.

An 80 is a B just like an 88 is a B.
A 90 is an A just like a 98 is an A.

Boy will I be relieved when my performance is not based on grades.

I worked extremely hard this semester to end up with well one B for sure. That SUCKS. I have worked harder than I ever did in undergrad. Oh well, I guess. Such is life. Hopefully the hard work I have done in my other three classes will reward me with As. Only time will tell.

Luckily only one more year and its over. No more grades. At a job I will be measured for the work I do. Hmm . . . that sounds like a grading system. Nah, surely not.

WHY.

Why are we here?
Why do we meet the people we meet?
Why are some people given to us and others taken away?
Why do we feel the way we do?
Why do we get happy, sad, nervous, depressed?
Why do I have the friends I have?
Why was I blessed in the ways I was blessed?
Why was I born with food and shelter?
Why am I in grad school?
What is my purpose?

These thoughts are not near as good as the blog I wrote the other day and then lost before I could post it, yet they serve the same purpose. They help me express the emotions I am feeling. They help me to let out the stress I bottle up. Take note there are many more questions I want to ask and still more answers I would like to receive. You would think the older you get the more answers you would receive. Funny thing though, the older I get the more questions I have and the less answers I get. I guess growing up opens your perspective to the world around you which consequently opens up more issues and more questions.

While I do not know why there are currently genocides occurring in Africa, sex trafficking occurring in all of Asia, Europe, and the Americas, and war occurring in the Middle East, I do know that there is something more. There has to be something more. I believe people who want more will find it, whether it be a friend, a soulmate, a job, a house, or a purpose.

Keep looking.

Interesting . . .

At the moment I am working on a paper . . . yes I know many of you are suprised. I am starting to wonder if homework will always be apart of my life. It is sure starting to seem like it.

Anyway I was in my bathroom just a minute ago and noticed something interesting. In my shower caddy (for those of you who don't know, mine is the wall to tub kind) every basket is full. I begin thinking, I wonder what I will do when I get married? Will I have to cut down on products? No that won't work. Will I have to keep some items in the cabinet? I would prefer not to do that either. Hmm . . . maybe I will marry a low maintenance guy who uses only 2-in-1 shampoo and a razor. I think I have room for those two things!